The move itself takes a day. The adjustment takes weeks. Families who plan for both have an easier time, and so does the person moving.
The week before
- Set up the room first. Their own bedspread, a familiar chair, family photos at eye level, a clock they can read. Walking into a room that already looks like theirs is easier than watching it get unpacked.
- Label everything. Clothes, glasses, hearing aids, dentures case.
- Write a one-page life story. Where they grew up, what work they did, names of children and pets, music they love, what calms them, what upsets them. Staff use this every day.
- Keep valuables at home. Bring a copy of the wedding photo, not the original.
What to say
Long explanations days in advance usually cause anxiety without creating understanding. Most dementia care specialists suggest a short, calm, true statement on the day: “We are going to a place where there are people to help you. I will be back to see you.” Repeat it as often as needed, in the same words.
Do not argue about whether they need to be there. Acknowledge the feeling, then redirect: a cup of coffee, a walk to the courtyard.
Moving day
- Arrive late morning, when most people with dementia are at their best.
- Stay for a meal if you can, then leave while an activity or staff member has their attention.
- Keep the goodbye short. A long goodbye is harder on both of you.
The first two weeks
Expect some rough days. Asking to go home, being angry at you, sleeping poorly and eating less are all common early on, and they usually ease. Ask staff how the hours when you are not there are going. They are often better than the visits, because your arrival reminds them of leaving.
There is no single rule on when to visit. Some people settle faster with short daily visits, others with a few days’ space. Ask the staff what they are seeing and adjust.
Look after yourself
Relief and guilt often show up together. Both are normal. The Alzheimer’s Association helpline, 800-272-3900, is staffed all night for exactly this.
If you are considering Oakwood
Rooms here can be furnished, partly furnished or unfurnished, so you can bring as much of home as you like. Read about memory care at Oakwood or book a visit.
General information only. It is not legal, financial or medical advice, and program rules change. Check details with the Senior LinkAge Line (800-333-2433), your county, your insurer or a qualified advisor.